I heard an interesting quote not too long ago, I think it was by the CEO of Home Depot. Something along the lines of "No one can reach their full potential without being coached". It has been ringing through my head for several weeks now and at first it made me a little upset, that I possibly couldn't reach my potential on my own and that it would be stupid to go out and get a life coach to follow me around. Then I realized that I do receive a lot of coaching - from my friends, and all the random people I encounter.
The random stranger's/new coworkers feedback is an underestimated feedback tool. If I don't like how I'm being treated, and I get it from several people, I am probably doing something wrong and should figure out what needs to change. However, the best coaching I receive is from a few select friends (males), my significant other included, who are always honest, even if it hurts to hear it. I love that. I used to hate it, but what better way to show you care about someone than holding them accountable for being their best. I'm so lucky. Of course, it would be way creepy if I went out and told them all of this, so I just write about it in my blog.
I propose that we all start holding each other more accountable for being our best. You know your friends the best, and vice versa. It's probably difficult for most people not to sound like they are nagging if they do this, but I bet if we picked our battles wisely it might work out.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Ketchup. Catsup? Catchup.
Whats going on blog.
This will be an informative post, somewhat disjointed because I am tired.
My second semester went reasonably well, not as stellar as my first semester. I got an A in Linear Systems Theory, A minus in Digital Controls, and B+ in Nonlinear Optimization. The B+ pissed me off but it was a hard class. However, that professor is a genius and I am grateful for the challenge.
I had a project due in Digital Controls and I put a lot of stress on myself to complete it a few days early because Nadia was coming into town (which was awwwwwsome), and I thought I was going to fail that class. However, I am discovering that I really need to learn how not to use stress and emotion as a motivator because in this case it made me unable to think. I was getting an ulcer because I kept running into road blocks with the project and could not get a solution. It physically hurt and I realized that I might not be cut out for research work. However, by some miracle I did reasonably well.
Prior to this project I had been giving a lot of thought to a PhD. I have a friend with whom I confide in regarding career choices and decisions, and he vice versa. We spoke about the pros and cons of a PhD and possibly a Masters Thesis. Now I am of the mindset "If I can do it, I should do it" because it would only be a waste if I didn't. I just don't know if I want to though. I am about to turn 28. I need to start it next year if I am going to do it. Let's face it, the clock is ticking on a lot of things, especially if I want to have kids.
Pro's of a PhD:
-I can stand up and say "I am!" when someone asks "IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?!"
-Enormous sense of accomplishment
-Sweet red robe at graduation
-Actually contributing something to the engineering field
I just don't think I'd be doing it for the right reasons. What does everyone think about the "If I can do it, I should do it" mentality?
I've done a lot of cool stuff since school let out. My mom and my brother came to visit me, which made me so happy and Nadia later. I am getting better at not being a bitch to my family but it is still hard. Kris was in town and we went hiking in Malibu. We also went to the Dodgers/Tigers game and rode our bikes to the stadium from Silver Lake. One night during his stay we went a great restaurant in Silver Lake called "Cliff's Edge". Our relationship is evolving and always getting better. I also went to the Huntington to see the Corpse Flower which blooms once every few years.
And new pictures!
http://picasaweb.google.com/Crystal.Nassouri/
I am disappointed in myself that I haven't done a better job documenting my travels. My plan is to come home in Dec/Jan after I am done, and drive back. Hopefully get my brother or Kris to drive back with me. I just started to appreciate this place, which I knew would happen. I kept telling myself to suck up my loneliness and enjoy it because it would not last forever. My mind is like the angel and devil on your shoulders: Crazy rampant emotion vs Sound logic.
A week after school ended, I started working at GM in Torrance. I was very excited, and hoping to get a project that I could use for a Master's Thesis. Unfortunately this has been a bit disappointing. I was ready to hit the ground running and it took a long time to get a project defined. My mentor admitted that she did not know what I would be doing but eventually I was assigned to work on test bench diagnostics.
My project was 90% complete about a week in, and since then I have been dragging out the last 10%. I just do my homework and study for the circuits class I am taking. Millenworks offered me an internship that I had to turn down. So did Intel. I am so bummed out. Also, I am getting screwed on my GM pay for reasons I won't go into. I've been considering ending my GM internship early and picking up the rest of the summer with Millenworks. They offered me part time work in the Fall, which I might take, and employment after work.
However, for the sake of my relationship with Kris I'm going to have to turn it down and return to Michigan. I am so torn. I am almost afraid to go back to Michigan. Mostly I am afraid of falling back into bad habits and feeling depressed again. Life is so easy here. It has its difficulties of course but this is my exploration paradise. I hope that Kris and I can live out here when he is done with his PhD.
So I've seen two unique movies lately. Splice, and Coco/Igor (a movie about Chanel). Splice...wtf. Go see it and then let's talk about all the insanity behind that movie, plus the somewhat bad acting. Coco/Igor was good. Subtitles and everything.
Also crazy bitch roommate moved out and my friend Vanessa and her BF Ryan moved in. Thank goodness there are some polite people left in this world. Did I mention her? Ex roommate has stomach problems and used to blow up the bathroom but not wash her hands after. It must have been an effort to save water, because we are in California and all.
This will be an informative post, somewhat disjointed because I am tired.
My second semester went reasonably well, not as stellar as my first semester. I got an A in Linear Systems Theory, A minus in Digital Controls, and B+ in Nonlinear Optimization. The B+ pissed me off but it was a hard class. However, that professor is a genius and I am grateful for the challenge.
I had a project due in Digital Controls and I put a lot of stress on myself to complete it a few days early because Nadia was coming into town (which was awwwwwsome), and I thought I was going to fail that class. However, I am discovering that I really need to learn how not to use stress and emotion as a motivator because in this case it made me unable to think. I was getting an ulcer because I kept running into road blocks with the project and could not get a solution. It physically hurt and I realized that I might not be cut out for research work. However, by some miracle I did reasonably well.
Prior to this project I had been giving a lot of thought to a PhD. I have a friend with whom I confide in regarding career choices and decisions, and he vice versa. We spoke about the pros and cons of a PhD and possibly a Masters Thesis. Now I am of the mindset "If I can do it, I should do it" because it would only be a waste if I didn't. I just don't know if I want to though. I am about to turn 28. I need to start it next year if I am going to do it. Let's face it, the clock is ticking on a lot of things, especially if I want to have kids.
Pro's of a PhD:
-I can stand up and say "I am!" when someone asks "IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?!"
-Enormous sense of accomplishment
-Sweet red robe at graduation
-Actually contributing something to the engineering field
I just don't think I'd be doing it for the right reasons. What does everyone think about the "If I can do it, I should do it" mentality?
I've done a lot of cool stuff since school let out. My mom and my brother came to visit me, which made me so happy and Nadia later. I am getting better at not being a bitch to my family but it is still hard. Kris was in town and we went hiking in Malibu. We also went to the Dodgers/Tigers game and rode our bikes to the stadium from Silver Lake. One night during his stay we went a great restaurant in Silver Lake called "Cliff's Edge". Our relationship is evolving and always getting better. I also went to the Huntington to see the Corpse Flower which blooms once every few years.
And new pictures!
http://picasaweb.google.com/Crystal.Nassouri/
I am disappointed in myself that I haven't done a better job documenting my travels. My plan is to come home in Dec/Jan after I am done, and drive back. Hopefully get my brother or Kris to drive back with me. I just started to appreciate this place, which I knew would happen. I kept telling myself to suck up my loneliness and enjoy it because it would not last forever. My mind is like the angel and devil on your shoulders: Crazy rampant emotion vs Sound logic.
A week after school ended, I started working at GM in Torrance. I was very excited, and hoping to get a project that I could use for a Master's Thesis. Unfortunately this has been a bit disappointing. I was ready to hit the ground running and it took a long time to get a project defined. My mentor admitted that she did not know what I would be doing but eventually I was assigned to work on test bench diagnostics.
My project was 90% complete about a week in, and since then I have been dragging out the last 10%. I just do my homework and study for the circuits class I am taking. Millenworks offered me an internship that I had to turn down. So did Intel. I am so bummed out. Also, I am getting screwed on my GM pay for reasons I won't go into. I've been considering ending my GM internship early and picking up the rest of the summer with Millenworks. They offered me part time work in the Fall, which I might take, and employment after work.
However, for the sake of my relationship with Kris I'm going to have to turn it down and return to Michigan. I am so torn. I am almost afraid to go back to Michigan. Mostly I am afraid of falling back into bad habits and feeling depressed again. Life is so easy here. It has its difficulties of course but this is my exploration paradise. I hope that Kris and I can live out here when he is done with his PhD.
So I've seen two unique movies lately. Splice, and Coco/Igor (a movie about Chanel). Splice...wtf. Go see it and then let's talk about all the insanity behind that movie, plus the somewhat bad acting. Coco/Igor was good. Subtitles and everything.
Also crazy bitch roommate moved out and my friend Vanessa and her BF Ryan moved in. Thank goodness there are some polite people left in this world. Did I mention her? Ex roommate has stomach problems and used to blow up the bathroom but not wash her hands after. It must have been an effort to save water, because we are in California and all.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Yup
I know everyone doubts themselves from time to time but this semester has been pretty hard (last semester was too so this isn't too surprising). However it's been difficult in a multitude of ways. My roommate and I had a huge argument after my family came to visit (which by the way, was wonderful). She flipped out on me about something stupid. I was really hurt because I made a big effort to have a good relationship with her and she basically shit on me. It was a week before a big exam and I bombed it. I bombed the exam the week after in a class I thought I nailed. Goodbye 4.0. One of my professors even expressed his disappointment. That really hurt. Then Roxy got really sick while I was home for spring break. She has hemolytic anemia which is a disease that destroys her own blood cells. She is better, but on a lot of medication and there's no way to know what caused it or if it will come back.
I can't figure out how to get a firm grasp on things sometimes. It seems like my world is just swirling around me and I can't actually do anything about it. I got messed up because I made friends who wanted to study together. I ended up doing really poorly because of it. I can't seem to recover or think about recovering without getting this awful drowning feeling. My roommate has made it so that I am not even comfortable being in my room with the door shut. I say yes to too many people because I can't figure out how to say no without feeling like a jerk...hence my generosity gets taken advantage of at the expense of all of my own precious time. I had this feeling while working too. I fell behind on assignments because I didn't feel like I knew how to dive right in and get to it. I know what needs to be done but can't seem to get it applied. How do other people do it? If I just knew what their thought process was I could dive right in.
I don't want to just be special/marketable/hired because I'm a female, I really want to be number one in everything I do but I can't seem to compete with those around me. I know those cliches... but I just hate it. I am dating the smartest person I know. I hate it. I hate that he doesn't let his emotions control him, which is why he is the best. I hate not being the best. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I can't figure out how to be the best. I need to figure out how to be on my A game all the time and it feels impossible! I hate not having control of my world.
I can't figure out how to get a firm grasp on things sometimes. It seems like my world is just swirling around me and I can't actually do anything about it. I got messed up because I made friends who wanted to study together. I ended up doing really poorly because of it. I can't seem to recover or think about recovering without getting this awful drowning feeling. My roommate has made it so that I am not even comfortable being in my room with the door shut. I say yes to too many people because I can't figure out how to say no without feeling like a jerk...hence my generosity gets taken advantage of at the expense of all of my own precious time. I had this feeling while working too. I fell behind on assignments because I didn't feel like I knew how to dive right in and get to it. I know what needs to be done but can't seem to get it applied. How do other people do it? If I just knew what their thought process was I could dive right in.
I don't want to just be special/marketable/hired because I'm a female, I really want to be number one in everything I do but I can't seem to compete with those around me. I know those cliches... but I just hate it. I am dating the smartest person I know. I hate it. I hate that he doesn't let his emotions control him, which is why he is the best. I hate not being the best. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I can't figure out how to be the best. I need to figure out how to be on my A game all the time and it feels impossible! I hate not having control of my world.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Oh Hai!
Hey blog how's it going.
I have new pictures posted! Check out the album (click the picture)
The Getty Center is a very beautiful museum. The main draw is the view! Its gorgeous, you can see all of LA. There are hummingbirds EVERYWHERE too. However, it is very much a date place. I had a loneliness relapse after Kris left and decided to go to a few museums on my own, which was a bad idea. However, I was better a week or so later after I stopped feeling sorry for myself and starting calling people.
Last weekend I was able to go to the SWE (Society of Women Engineers) regional conference on USC's dime in AZ. It was so much fun. I was excited because I would get to made some friends with some of the girls outside of my program, since there are so few in Controls. It turns out that there was only one other Grad Student out of the bunch and she was 22, the rest of the girls were about 17-20! Yes, once again I am the oldest in the bunch but it was very okay.
We had a blast in the car ride there. I remember how easy it was to make friends when I was younger, its as easy as walking up to someone and saying "Hey lets be friends!". No weird communication rules, the right amount of eye contact, the correct firmness of the handshake etc. These girls were no frills, friendly, intelligent, and down to earth. I forgot that everyone was an engineer, that usually means easier conversations!
After the car ride, we had dinner with other schools and participated in a build a paper bridge contest. Our team won a blanket (one of the 4 bridges that held up). In the evening we had super girl bonding time in the hotel room. There were 4 girls to a room. I don't have a sister, but if I did I can only imagine it must be as much fun as we had talking and joking with each other.
Saturday we had breakfast and several workshops, as well as a career fair, lunch, and finally dinner with a keynote speaker. Several positive things happened for me that day. I spoke to some recruiters at Intel, and while I am not looking for an internship (I will be at GM this summer), I was interested to see what they might have available for full time. Turns out a female pursuing an MS in Controls is very rare. It was great to hear some encouraging words that my future will be bright. There are always days that I am discouraged by the multitude of international students getting straight A's without trying, and it was nice to hear positive words from normal people.
I want to point out the cutest thing in the world- The girl I shared a bed with, and was co-driver with, woke me up on Saturday night by hugging me. She had rolled over onto my side of the bed and threw her arms and legs over me and started hugging me! I woke up laughing... so cute! She said that her and her sister share a bed and she always hugs her at night.
On the drive back we stopped at a gift shop in the middle of the desert where I picked up some very vintage post cards. Please send me your snail mail address if you want one!
XOXO
Crystal
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Smoosh
Yo,
Who doesn't have a job and got 3.9 this past semester? THIS GIRLLLLL!
Yup! The breakdown:
Linear Algebra: A (not deserved)
Linear Controls: A (deserved)
Sensing and Planning: A (deeeserved)
This is what I am taking this semester:
Optimization (Numerical Methods)
Linear Systems Theory
Digital Controls
Yeah, three boring ass theory classes. But I guess that's what controls is. I have no idea what I want to do anymore. I just want to sit in a big room with a bunch of tools and books and horse around.
So I'm going to do this thing right now where I make a list of all the things I did over winter break, otherwise the post will sound like a girl rambling to a therapist.
Ehem:
Hugged my dog a lot
JD's Key Club with GM friends!!!!
Union Woodshop a bunch of times
Nadia and Steve time
Kris Healey time
Christmas Eve with Kris' family (they live in Monroe and have two horses!)
New Years Party at my friend Jay's, we played a Wii Karaoke game called "Lips". He got mad because people were beating his high score and shut off the tv and game and kicked us out at 2:30am.
Cleveland Food Road trip!!!
Went to the following delicious places:
-Delicious Breakfast Place featured on Food Network (I forget the name!!)
-Cleveland Chop House http://www.chophouse.com/
-Tried friend bone marrow - REALLY GOOD!
-Melt (featured on food network), A GRILLED CHEESE RESTAURANT!!!
-Flannery's Pub
-Great Lakes Brewing Company http://www.greatlakesbrewing.com/
-And an international food place I also forget the name of...
Anyway, it was four of us and we just shared plates at each restaurant so we would not ever be full. Eating is one of those great joys in life!
Kris came back to LA with me and we spent a couple days in La Jolla (near San Diego). The following Monday we were in the audience of the Price is Right!
Unfortunately we were not contestants but watch for us on Feb 26th!! We are definitely visible in the audience!!!
Anyway the invitation is open for anyone to come visit. I moved into my new place with my awesome roommate and we would love to have people! I can get us Price is Right tickets :)
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